Still a Struggle. Always Will Be.

I don't think that eating healthy or exercising will ever come easily for me.  I don't ever wake up thinking, "I think I'd like lovely salad and a 10 mile run today."  I wake up thinking, "I want pizza and I want to sit on my butt all day long watching Gilmore Girls reruns."  Every. Single. Day.  That is how often I want pizza.  That is how often I have to force myself to exercise.

The problem is, these last 3 days, I have been losing the fight.  I have eaten pizza 3x in the past 3 days. Tuesday lunch, Wednesday dinner, and Thursday dinner were all pizza.  And plenty of it.  Not good.  It's a terrible feeling because while I am eating it, I am happy. Then I finish my massive plate of cheesy, gooey, deliciousness and I feel sad and ashamed. Not because I think it's shameful to eat pizza, and not because I would ever want to live a pizzaless existence, but because I don't understand the word "moderation" when it comes to junk.  

Also, I feel ashamed because the pizza box always looks greasy and nasty when I am done, and I think about all the damage that grease is doing to my body. Greasy food is really only appealing when you don't look at it too closely. 

Aubree's Pizza leftovers from this evening.  My husband and I managed to do this much damage between the two of us.  

....And we shared an order of Ultimate Feta Bread. 

See what I mean?

And then I feel completely lazy afterwards.  Eating junk does not result in an active lifestyle.  Shocking, I know.   

So for 3 days, not only have I eaten pretty poorly, but I haven't gone running.  This means that I have missed 2 of my scheduled half marathon training runs. 

I have a million excuses. It has been storming.  I am letting my blisters heal.  I have been too tired after a hectic work week.  It's too humid out.  I have to clear out my DVR.  Blah, blah, blah.  

I need to stop focusing on the many reasons not to run and start focusing on all the reasons to run.  

-When I run, I feel proud of myself for doing what I had always thought was impossible. 

-Stairs are much easier now. 

-I feel happier when I look in the mirror.

-I feel less guilty about eating a little bit of junk if I run before or after. 

-I tend to eat less junk when I know that I am going to run because it tends to lead to stomach pain. 

-I will live longer. 

-When I am ready to have kids, I may have a healthier pregnancy. 

-It encourages my husband to make healthy choices. 

-Running makes me want to be more active in general. I am more likely to take the dogs on a walk, park farther away at the grocery store, do a little toning, etc... 

-It helps reduce my anxiety. 

-As a therapist, I feel like a fake when I encourage my clients to make healthy choices and I don't practice what I preach.  When I am taking better care of myself, I feel like I am more effective at my job, and I feel like clients can tell that I actually believe that it is possible for them to take care of themselves too. 

I AM going to get back on track. Tomorrow, I am going to buy a new pair of running shoes so that I can run even when it is wet out without having to worry about having to wear wet shoes the next day. Maybe I'll feel motivated enough tomorrow to run in the AM and PM.  Or maybe I won't take next Monday off, as I had planned.  

What do you do to get back on track if you notice that you have faltered a bit?